


Assholes In Love

by agent_izhyper



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Future Fic, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 08:44:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2222757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent_izhyper/pseuds/agent_izhyper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Stiles either excels really well at pranking or fails horribly at it (which one is it when it backfires spectacularly in his face?), Derek <em>definitely</em> excels, and italics are over-used obnoxiously. </p><p>(AKA, Anniversary Prank Backfires, Sterek style.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Assholes In Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> FIRST OFF, **BEFORE READING** , IT MIGHT BE BETTER IF YOU [ WATCH THIS ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7AXBOT8KzU).  
> It's what this whole fic is based off and I promise it will make everything a lot funnier because in the vid you can actually see the reactions and I crack up every time, it's priceless.
> 
> Okay, I got nothing else. Fair warning: asshole-ry abound ahead. Tread with caution. (The word 'asshole' no longer holds meaning to me, it's been used too much.) (Also I refuse to apologise for all the italics. Emphasis is key to dramatics and hilarity. That is all, carry on.)

 

“I will be Internet _famous_ , Scotty, just wait for it,” Stiles says with poorly concealed and smug glee.

Beside him, Scott shakes his head and punches him on the shoulder. “Dude, seriously, you think this is a good idea?”

“It will be _legendary_.”

“If you’re sure…”

“Yep, now go stall him from coming up for a few minutes so I can set this up.” Stiles waves the camera in his friend’s face and Scott grumbles but goes anyway.

Stiles grins and crosses his and Derek’s bedroom to the closet. He checks the camera for the tenth time to make sure it’s on and working fine before pressing ‘record’ and setting it up on a shelf at the right level to catch everything. He peers into the lens and says in a stage whisper, “Alright, guys, here’s the deal: Derek thinks the ‘boyfriend tag challenge’ is dumb and refuses to do it. I owe you guys a prank vid so, this is me, pranking him instead. Today’s our fifth anniversary, by the way. If this backfires and he kills me, everything I own goes to my man Scott. Which is not much, by the way. Anywho. Let’s put my acting skills to the test, yeah? I’m gonna tell Derek I cheated on him. Which I did not, of course, but I bet I can sell it.” He winks and then pulls the closet door shut, leaving only a small enough gap that it doesn’t cover the camera’s lens.

Then he turns to the bed and runs through his lines again in his head, taking a few quick shallow breaths until he’s sure he looks at least mildly panicked.

The thought of the prank makes him _actually_ freak out a bit then. He wouldn’t say he’s having second thoughts exactly, but… well. He _will_ have to employ all his bullshitting skills to make this believable and while Stiles prides himself on his impeccable lying abilities (what, he grew up with a cop dad and then had lie-detecting werewolves around all the time, of course he’s got a few tricks up his sleeve by now) he can’t deny the _slight_ doubt that Derek might detect the outright lie.

Which is why he paces the room then, going over it again and again until _he_ almost believes himself. Last month’s prank on Scott had gone without a hitch, after all, there’s no reason this won’t.

He startles a little when the bedroom door opens and Derek comes in, looking tired and weary, and drops onto his side of the bed before glancing at a still-pacing Stiles. Stiles doesn’t look at him yet, doesn’t want to risk giving anything away, so he just turns around and strides across the length of the room again, arms crossed tightly across his chest.

He completely misses the curious glance Derek sends around the room.

With a shaky breath, Stiles turns abruptly and perches on the edge of the bed opposite Derek. “Babe-“ He sighs and starts again, looking him in the eyes. “Derek. I need to- I gotta talk to you. Can you sit up? Please?” His voice trembles just the slightest and he reaches out to tentatively curl his fingers around Derek’s.

Derek frowns and sits up slowly, scanning his face. “Stiles, what’s-“

“No, don’t- I, listen, I just. I’m so _sorry_. This is gonna- I need to tell you something,” Stiles interrupts, solemn like he hardly is. Derek looks wary now. Stiles spares a thought to how high their apartment is and how jumping out the window to avoid maiming will not be an option. “And it, it’s gonna be the worst thing you- I just. I fucked up, I fucked up _so_ _bad_ , I’ll never do it again I _swear_ it was just-“

“Stiles what did you _do_ ,” Derek says in a tone that’s three parts wary and two parts frantic – as vocally frantic as Derek gets, anyway. His hold on Stiles’ fingers tightens for a moment then goes lax.

Stiles winces, sounds shattered when he says quickly, “I didn’t _mean_ to, okay, I swear to God but- you know when- last month I went to see Lydia? In LA? And uh, I mean there was this- this party, okay, and this _guy_ , he wasn’t even-”

He can _see_ the realisation growing in Derek’s eyes. It’s _horrible_. He might be a better actor than he thought he was? Stiles bites his lip hard and hurries on - maybe that whole ‘rip it off like a band-aid’’ mentality is actually helpful, who knows.

“It didn’t mean anything! It _didn’t_ but oh my god, I can’t, I’m so sorry babe, seriously. I cheated on you, I, it’s been _eating_ at me.”

“You…”

Okay, Stiles is officially the world’s biggest asshole ever because he can actually see the _hurt_ that Derek’s trying to hide and then, well, then Derek turns away from him, casts his eyes around the room while shaking his head. “You _cheated_ …?” It’s like the words are torn from him without him meaning to say them, all laced with raw devastation.

“I know, I _know_ , shit, I’m fucking sorry,” Stiles says lowly, dismayed and guilty by now. He leans forward, hands clutching tightly at the bedsheets when Derek rakes both hands through his hair and down his face until Stiles can’t see his expression. “I know this is literally _the worst time ever_ , it’s our _anniversary_ but…”

“ _Stiles_ ,” Derek cuts in, voice all raw and upset from behind his hands. “We have a _pack_. And- _betas_.” He seems to sink into himself as Stiles’ heart plummets and aches (he fucking sucks), head dropping low into his hands and breath audibly shaking with a deep wounded noise that cuts Stiles to the core.

“I am so- I’m sorry I’m _so sorry_ ,” Stiles repeats sincerely, ‘brows furrowing unhappily. He reaches out to grab Derek’s shoulder gently but Derek turns away while Stiles keeps apologising like a broken record, trailing off helplessly when he realises that, _holy shit_ , Derek’s shoulders are shaking and _oh my god are those tears rolling down his face is he crying did I just make Derek cry fuckfuck I fucked up shit sorry I didn’t, I didn’t cheat on you oh my god why did I think this is a good idea_ , and maybe he’s mumbling all this under his breath in horror but he doesn’t even realise because he’s trying to inch forward slowly and catch Derek’s averted gaze.

Which is why it catches him completely off guard when the shaking increases and Derek mutters, sounding _wrecked_ , “I cheated on you…”

Stiles’ heart _stops_. He stills completely, mouth dropping open, and leans heavily on his hands. “W-what? What did you… wait, what.”

“ _I_ cheated on _you_ ,” Derek bursts out, lifting his head to meet Stiles’ dumbfounded stare with watery eyes. His mouth is set in a hard serious pout. Stiles is having a hard time processing what exactly is happening right now.

“You. No. No no no, no you _didn’t_ , you-”

“I did, _I cheated on you_ -”

“No, fuck _no, you did not-_ you _cheated on me_?!” Stiles cries, reeling back, his voice rising. “You did not fucking cheat on me, _please tell you me you fucking didn’t_ ,” he pleads.

But Derek just shakes his head and crosses his arms tight, staring at him beseechingly. “Stiles…”

“Oh fuck, _shit_ ,” Stiles mutters, sliding off the bed and freaking out. His fists his hands in his hair, tugging tightly. “You cheated on me, fuck fuck _fuck_.” He kicks out at the bed post (stubs his toe but the pain’s a minor one compared to the fact that _his heart is being crushed and squeezed_ ) while furiously pacing tightly around the bed before turning back to Derek suddenly, a barrage of cussing on the tip of his tongue, but then he freezes in place. Again.

Because.

Well.

Derek is… _smirking_?

“Wha…?”

“I know you _set up a camera_ , you _moron_.”

“ _What_.”

The words take a moment to sink in and then Stiles is diving on to the bed and tackling Derek down as he starts to crack up laughing. Stiles stares down at him, heart still beating like crazy and feeling like he just got off a really high cliff edge. “You fucker, oh my god,” he breathes, eyes wide.

Derek takes another look at his face and laughs even harder, choking out, “I thought you were gonna fucking _propose_ ,” and Stiles feels like the biggest fuckhead in the universe.

“Oh wow. _Wow_ , noooope, I’m the fucker here, I suck so bad, I’m sorry, babe,” he moans, dropping his head to rest in defeat on Derek’s shoulder. The laughter dies down and Stiles lifts his head tentatively to see the stupidly fond-yet-exasperated look on Derek’s face that never fails to make him feel like he’s fucking floating on a cloud or something corny like that.

“You’re such an asshole,” Derek tells him in what might be a deadpan if not for the smirk still tugging at his lips. “I don’t even know why I like you.”

“Hey, takes one to know one.” Stiles can’t help but beam at him before crooning teasingly, “Besides, you _luuuurve_ me, you wanted me to _propose_ , you totally want all up in this for the rest of your life- _wait holy shit you wanted me to propose_.” He gapes, more than slightly horrified at himself.

Derek snorts lightly and shoves at him. “So we both agree you’re an asshole?”

It snaps Stiles out of his daze enough to flick him on the ear. “Excuse you, mister, you’re not exactly a ray of innocence yourself.” He grins and rolls off him so he can slide off the bed and get to his feet. He remembers the camera recording and groans, trudging to the closet to grab it from the shelf. “I can’t, this can’t go on YouTube, oh my god…”

Behind him, Derek laughs.

 

(He uploads it in the end, can’t deny the hilarity now that neither of them is freaking out over something that will never happen. It quickly becomes his most popular vid - half because humans enjoy laughing at others’ pain, and half, he suspects, because - as 90% of the comments say - “his boyfriend is hot as fuck”, which… well, he can’t refute, obviously.

 

One month later, he finally gets Derek to do the boyfriend tag. By the end, he’s convinced that the reason he was so reluctant is because Derek literally _knows everything about him_ which is ridiculously heartwarming and more than ridiculously adorable when his boyfriend’s ears pink up after getting everything right. Stiles is implicitly fond of it all.

 

Two months after _that_ , Derek actually ends up proposing. Of course, Stiles - being Stiles - thinks it’s a joke to get back at him before he gets with the program that _no, you moron, this is most definitely the real deal_. One could argue that Derek is not that much of an asshole to prank Stiles with something this big, but well-

Like Stiles said. They’re both assholes. They totally deserve each other.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Huge kudos to my best friend [Renae](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentRenaeShnucumbs) for showing me that vid and saying THIS WOULD BE HILARIOUS AS A STEREK AU. (I think she was right :P) (still cracking up at Y IS IT LEAKING abt stiles realising with horror that he made derek cry xD)
> 
> Yo! Follow us on tumblr :3 I am [over here](http://deathby-stiles.tumblr.com) aaaand Renae's [this one](http://agentshnucumbs.tumblr.com), we might follow back.
> 
> Thanks for reading. Comments are _so appreciated_ , you don't even know.
> 
> Cheers!


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